I’m the “mayor” of this island, sometimes I wish I had asked for more. But alas, one can dream. You may have heard of me from the Nightlight Scandal, which made every single politician in Washington a mere stepping stone. I,in fact, orchestrated the entire Nightlight Scandal. What is this, you’ve never heard about it? Yes, you would have heard about it but I took the easy way out – not the easiest way out,mind you, but certainly a very, very easy way out.
The Nightlight Scandal was actually a program that could climb through any,and I mean any, computer,OS, or data, and pull out anything about anyone. Think of it as a super advanced Google search on anyone that has ever posted online or had an article written about them on a website. Its primary use is to dig up ‘dirty’ secrets, for use of blackmail.
With such power over any one person, you have to ask, What do you do with it? Well, my mother once told me, with great power comes great responsibility. So instinctively I pulled up every dirty secret on every single politician in washington. I thought about doing the same for other countries, but I have smaller fish to fry for now. I loaded it all up on my hardrive and backed it up multiple times, now time to make some calls.
First I set off many security systems all over the White House, this way when when I called with my list of demands they’d know I wasn’t playing around. I ran through my checklist (Ive always planned these things through carefully) West Wing-check, Oval Office-check, Cafeteria-check, hey, you have to have a sense of humor. All the systems shut down, causing the power to go out, it clicked on minutes later and I immediately dialed the White house phone, I thought about the oval office number but the president had probably already been evacuated.
Let’s paraphrase what ended up happening:
So I called, introduced myself as a British citizen (although I am not), and gave them my list of intents. And I intended to release everyone’s dirty little secrets, even the presidents. And, of course, I wanted to talk to the president myself. Although I was transferred to another phone, but the man who answered wasn’t the president, so I threatened him with immediate release of all confidential files that the FBI,CIA, or NSA had. He sternly replied with, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.
My reply? Oh, good sir, I’m not a terrorist, I just simply want everyone to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. But I’m willing to give it all up. For a beach house, see I didn’t exactly know what I wanted yet, so I just made it up as I went, The line was silent, he hasn’t hung up but he certainly wasn’t talking to me- or anyone. I figured I had been muted.
Two minutes later the president was on the line. He asked me about every tiny detail about the program I had made. And ended up offering me my own place to rule, and it came with a beach house! I ended up taking the offer and now am the winner of a beach house and mayorship on a tiny island. But hey, one can dream, and I dreamed small.
The end. And maybe just the beginning.