With so many interruptions and even more problems, I was losing myself. I slid open the glass door and walked outside. I had no friends, no one to help me, no one to keep me focused. I set down my writing tablet and my decaf coffee on top some bills laying on the picnic table. I had to focus. With my the elbows firmly place on the picnic table I looked to the great beyond. I pondered my existence, feeling the radiation of the forlorn stars. They were like me, I thought, All of them. Questions sprung to my mind debating every possible reason I was alone. The main personality flaw had to be of my random fixation on “unimportant” instruments. When you think of an instrument, you probably think of a piano or a guitar. But I had chosen to spend thousands of dollars over the past three years learning pointless musical objects or whatever. I was starting to believe them too. These forlorn stars actually seemed clumped together, almost forming a constellation. And then, suddenly, started blinking sporadically. The farthest star on the left flashed once and then moved out of sight. The middle stars began to glow brighter. The stars surrounding flashed every other second. I was understanding what they were spelling, and saying. Strange. I quickly grabbed my notebook and started to write down my vision. We can see you. I read it over and over and over again, at least a hundred times. The stars continued to flash, my vision of the universe hadn’t ended. When I woke up I had several sheets full of words, with no fundamental meaning. After pouring a bowl of cereal and looking over the pages for one last time, my brain clicked. I grabbed all my silly instruments and for the next thirty hours played note after note, tune after tune, and chord after chord, trying to make sense of it all. I sat down after several coffees and hours without sleep, played my song for one last time. As if it were the end of my life, I remembered something my grandmother had said to me a long time ago.
When I’m gone, think of me as a star in the sky. Think of mom and dad as a star in the sky. Think of every person you have ever loved as a star in the sky, and although gone from this life, remember we’ll be watching and waiting for you.
We can see you, and we love you.